pintsize
M B
20 years old
Member since Nov 06, 2007
Writes from , United States
Has read texts.
Has written 66 comments.
These are the comments on pintsize's work
I love this free verse poem. very good cadence throughout, gets the point across, keeps it simple, but you feel like there is more to it too. the ending is great; a flip of sentiment. Great!
Not exactly sure what it is i liekabout this... i like it. i can relate.. yet i cant.. its complacated lol. Hmmm. i will have to come back and read this over a few more times inorder to leave a comment that makes any kind os sence lol.
"miss you like a knife in the stomach, a black widows bite, a hound at my throat. i miss you like hell.
like hell i do."
loved that line^^^
great job
"you're the oxygen in my atmosphere"
i loved that line. and the whole thing. niiiiice ^-^
Very eerie, but almost... hopeful, that man can survive anything. This piece feels like it would make a nice little prose-prologue to a book.
Nice read and a great share.
-Chicory
Thanks everyone :) sakajawea, that's interesting...love poetry feeling more formal. Sometimes I feel the formality, but with other works it seems truly raw. And yay! You picked up the sortof-allusion. Bonus points.
Thanks for the comment. :)
I tried to split it up a little, it was originally one block of text - with dreamy pieces like this, I just start and see where it takes me. It's not supposed to feel cramped, so I'll think about spacing it out some more. It is pretty surreal/dreamlike, so I suppose that's the intent? Haha. It's basically me speaking to my *lover* in the way that comes most naturally to me...which probably doesn't make much sense to anyone else. :) Thanks again for the comment - and question.
Love poetry always seems more formal to me. But thats just me. My favourite line is: "the world may flood but i will swim to you and send out doves until a trace of land is found. " It makes me think of noah and his ark.
I don't think its stoo long, it may just seem unappealing to read because it is all cramped up together. Unless thats the feel you were going for. It holds some interesting metaphors and imagery. The toutch of rhyming was also a nice fuel to spurr it along. Question: Is this meant to be a surreal and random dreamlike story? Because thats what I inferred from it. Hope I'm right. Nice job.
