mikemartin_lfs

In This Expanse

by mikemartin_lfs, Nov 28 2008, 10:50 PM in dreams, sad, iraq, sand,

Basically, this is a soldier sitting in Iraq during downtime, and this is a description that pretty much is him trying to put everything in a positive, light-hearted tone. The contrast here is between the hard, dusty Iraqi landscape and the meadows he envisions in his mind. He lets his mind take him away from the hell he's in, only to have reality come biting back down on him right as he was truly getting away. The problem is, you never truly get away from it...

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Twilleager

lashleytwill

Written Dec 02 2008, 12:02 AM

I see the contrast you talked about, but I don't know that many readers will pick up on it. I like it though now that I see it.

twill.

Twilleager

lashleytwill

Written Nov 30 2008, 05:59 PM

This is very good, a wonderful point to get across. I feel like the poem may have been stiffeled a bit to accomodate for the rhymes. The words you used were beautiful but flowery and almost excessive. I think the poem would be just as affective if half of the words were cut out and everything was straight to the point. Great write non the less.

twill.