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I made this for my stepsister whom I don't see much anymore when I found out she was queer. More importantly, that her homophobic parents found out too. Her name means "happiness" in Spanish.
I made this for my stepsister whom I don't see much anymore when I found out she was queer. More importantly, that her homophobic parents found out too. Her name means "happiness" in Spanish.
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I don't know why, but I liked the breaks you put in with the vertical lines, it made me feel like I was running into a wall and helped set the pace. Some of it felt a bit broken and didn't flow as well as it could, but its hard to tell if that was done on purpose or not.
I'd like to hear the audio version, I think it will clear up the bit of awkwardness of some of this poem.
-Chicory
Around where I slam ( where poeple tend to be accepting of it ), "queer" is commonly used as a neutral or endearing term to describe someone who is ambiguously bisexual or gay. I used the word deliberately because I am unsure as to which she is, just that she likes girls. Sorry if I offended anyone, although rest assured it was unintentional.
As for performing this, I intend to post an audio version ( as I always do ) as soon as I find a new mic ( old one is broken ) and a new site to host audio files ( old one crashed ).
I feel like I should give criticism, but I truly can't. I wish I could hear you perform this one. As for the title....maybe just Happiness, or her name? How very uncreative of me. I also don't like the idea of being "queer", but I don't get the sense that you are trying to be derogatory, it is just something that is commonly used. I would rather blame our society than blame you. I think Lauren meant it this way, but it came off a little strong sis.
Back to the poem, I will be putting this in my favorites as well. My sister has told me good things about you.
Spenn.
This is beautiful. The only flaw I could find is the term queer used in your description. I find it derogatory, there is nothing queer about being gay. That's beside the point though, this is amazing.
FAVORITES
Nice to see you writing again.
twill.
blackconverse
i do really love this. sorry i just feel the need to quote a couple lines to let you know which are my favorites
"Critics may have the best clothes, but always the most crooked smiles."
i cant tell you how true this sounded. very nice.
"It’s a new day, sister dearest, and sugar cane grows on sunshine always."
i had to reread it at first actually. i love it. it has such a hopeful sound to it...
"watch them all stay beautiful, in a decaying kind of way."
perfect. wonderful ending.
beautiful poem.